It was a calm night in Ramadan: the sky was crystal clear, and a mild breeze was ruffling his hair. Shameer was lying on the Charpoy in the verandah and counting on the stars. He was not dejected, but also, not happy: His mood was more of bewilderment. Watching and counting the stars above, he desired to become one of the stars, because he had heard that everyone dreams of stars. They are the center of attraction, and every child grows up in the pursuit of catching a star or, in fact, becoming a star so that one can remain glowing forever. Although people are aware that stars , which outwardly seem to be glowing, are devoid of actual feelings, love, and the earthly life (a blessing of a rare kind) they still want to be there with those stars above their heads and shoulders.

Shameer was pondering a lot of things going on in his mind.  His arrayed chain of thoughts made him think of re-establishing a connection with God, which once very strong, was now fading away with every sunset. The interesting thing was that he was very much aware of his situation, but he was helpless about it; he could not do anything about it, as the more he thought about mending his ways, the more he would get perplexed. His mind was more of a furnace, burning with the intensity of his own thought because his rational mind was pushing him to question everything and, the dilemma was, answers to all these questions were nowhere to be found. Shameer was always wondering about himself because it was an unclear mystery, and he wanted to make himself assured of who he was. Like many times, this was the point at which he would get distracted in his thoughts- a point where the mind would start fighting the heart because one wanted rationality while the other wanted humane feelings to ponder – as delving deep into his soul while rummaging through identity had always been a sensitive area not only for Shameer but for every human being.

The night of 27th Ramadan has always been a very special night for all Muslims because it is considered the night of revelation of the Quran and also the night of purgation for all Muslims. Shameer, lying on a Charpoy under the sky, immersed in his thoughts, continued his monologue. His sister came to ask him for sleep, which disturbed his train of thought. He replied that he wanted to stay alone and would go to sleep whenever he felt like. It was because he wanted to cross the veil of rationality and irrationality of thoughts in his mind. He wanted to cross the line; in his heart, he was looking for a miracle and wanted to obey God by rendering submission to Him because he knew those distractions were dragging him to damnation. The right and the wrong path, strictly in religious terms, is always inculcated in the mind of every kid because it is the part and parcel of every religious philosophy. Besides this, it is also a common norm that everyone knows the reality, good and bad, because it is also innate. 

He wanted to take the prayer-mate and sit on it for hours in order to comfort his mind and throw away all those so-called rational feelings because he knew that these apprehensions were intrusions. He was also aware of the fact that God sometimes makes you ponder because He wants you to go closer to Him. As it is a common belief that after every dark night, there is a bright morning that washes away all the fears of the previous night. It was out of the blue while counting on stars, his mind got fixed on one of the stars, which was a bit larger than the others, and he sensed a resemblance between the star with Mansoor Al-Hallaj.  The sentence “I am the Truth’ started reverberating in his mind. It was strange because he had read about him a very long time ago, but remembering him on that special night when he was about to annihilate all those thoughts that are considered thoughts of Kufr. He thought very hard, but the connection seemed to be missing between the stars and Mansoor Al Hallaj.

Wanting to move to God and then remembering Mansoor AL-Hallaj was something he could not grasp because Mansoor was not remembered in the good books of history, and later he was persecuted for saying, “I am the Truth.” Shameer was unable to understand the interrelatedness of worship and Mansoor AL-Hallaj. With a heavy head, he unfurled the prayer rug in the Verandah and stood in obedience before Allah, One and True. He started talking to God, “O Allah! I stand in front of you because You are the One and True. Give me the right Path of those whom You have blessed and not those whom You have rejected. O God! Accept me as Yours. Ameen!’’

He started feeling lightened as someone had taken away all the burden from his heavy shoulders. His mind got very fresh. He thought that his purgation had started, and suddenly the verse of Dr. Allama Muhammad Iqbal started resonating in his mind.

The One Sajdah,

You have been thinking as difficult,

Liberates you from thousands of bowing before Satan.

After asking for the right path, it was time to bow down in Sajdah. As he prepared to do the Sajdah, he saw a giant scorpion running down over his prayer rug. It was dark black in color and medium in size. He was halfway down to perform sajdah when this fast-moving insect crossed his path. To be safe, he swept his hand so that the insect could move away quickly from the prayer rug, but the scorpion did not bother to be bothered by Shameer and moved away from the Prayer rug. The thing that attracted Shameer towards the scorpion was that the scorpion was not moving directly or running away in a straight line; rather, it was whirling or circling, and this way, after crossing the prayer rug, its whirling got faster. The swirling got faster to such an extent that it sent a ray of dizziness to the already spinning head of Shameer. Whirling was more like Tanoura. Shameer`s mind understood that this whirling of scorpion was not a common rather it was a sort of communication with the Divine God, as it was moving into the state of trance to feel something outworldly close to God- Pure in Nature. Then suddenly, the scorpion stopped and it seemed that it was dead as the Sufis come to haltt during their Tanoura. Shameer was confused about whether it was God sending him messages through this scorpion or if it was just his hallucinations. But in a few seconds, there came a gush of air and the door to the room opened. The scorpion came again to life and rapidly moved inside the door and disappeared. It seemed that the door just opened for the scorpion. It was a strange view because Shameer thought that the insect was waiting for the Rabbi’s order, and as He ordered him, the scorpion went out. Shameer had understood the depth of what he had just experienced. He had gotten the idea of his life, the real meaning that he was searching for.

Then the black ants started to pass by him, what was moving like a spider in their thread-like, delicate legs! They were also circling like that black scorpion. Although they were silent but it seemed that there were volcanoes inside them, as silence was like death for them. The sound of locusts and the chirping of a certain nocturnal insect were there in the environment constantly. The two cyan lizards on the wall were constantly making moves to catch their prey. Flies were the only things that were eager to be disturbed, just trying to sit down every moment, piling up wherever they got the chance.

He, who thought he was obsessed, felt an ocean churning within him, put to shame by the frenzy of the black scorpion and the black ant. The secret was revealed to Shameer that more madness exists in these small insects. He deciphered the connection of Mansoor because he was mad like these scorpions and other insects, waiting for the Kun of his Rab. After all, why run away from Him when he has promised to answer every question? Why run away when He says, “We will show them Our Signs in the universe, and in their own selves, until it becomes manifest to them that this (the Quran) is the truth” [Fussilat 41:53]

One has to put effort to melt his heart to cross the vast deserts of Hijr, otherwise, the distance from this worldly world to the region of His Closeness cannot be conquered. The answer is there in silence, but the mind has to match the frequency of silence to understand Allah, the One and True.

It is necessary to cut the hijr and run to get rid of it! This is the only way of Life: Life is Ishq.

Then he prostrated in silence for some time, and when he arose, the ocean of his heart was calm.. Complete peace of contentment!

He was thinking that these things were disturbing his worship, but this peace convinced him that a connection to his Creator had been established, and He was using His universal love language through the insects to answer his questions that they had not yet uttered.

He is undoubtedly a love!

As Shameer mustered his courage to arise from his Sajdah, the night exhaled deeply. The stars, far away, were no more lifeless objects but it felt they had a pulse- breathing. 

As Shameer rose from *sajdah*, the night exhaled. The stars no longer hung like distant judgments but pulsed—alive, breathing, their light threading through his veins. The scorpion, the ants, the whirling dance, they were not interruptions but verses which he had heard with the ears of his heart. Each movement a glyph in God’s script, spelling what his heart already knew: To dissolve is to become. The night held its breath. Kun, sighed the wind, not a command, but a reminder: he, too, was a word spoken by the One.

He listened to an echo of a verse from Rumi in his mind: “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” He laughed then, a sound so light it scattered the flies perched on the charpoy. For the first time, he did not beg God for answers. He was the question and the response, the path and the seeker. The boundary between the stars and himself slowly faded away; between his heartbeat and the scorpion’s dance, between Mansoor’s “I am the Truth” and his own trembling submission, there was only the silence that cradles all names.  

He went in Sajdah once again and touched his forehead with the prayer rug, not in desperation, but in recognition. The door to the house swung open again, not for the scorpion this time, but for him. Wind rushed in, carrying the scent of damp earth and jasmine. Somewhere, a nightingale sang.  

Shameer stepped inside, leaving the verandah behind. The stars? 

Let them count themselves tonight.  

Artwork by: Karl Friedrich Schinkel